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[10 Apr 2004|09:59pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
wow, haven't updated in awhile x_x;; i usually lack in updates when a lot of things happen so that i can just cram all of the events into one huge entry. all of that japanese sad songness crap down there was from a few days ago, sort of hinting at the first big event. mike and i broke up for awhile. [about 16 hours, actually = =]. i think it all started about me telling him i didn't want him to go to lindsey's party [ie: the girl he almost dumped me for a few months ago, the girl he was "tempted" to kiss, the girl who writes "i love lindz not megan" all over his arms to piss me off etccc.. ^_^] and he said i don't trust him, and even though i said i did a small part of me i kept trying to ignore told me that i didn't; not enough to let him go to her party. and that he didn't want a relationship anymore. and that he didn't want to hurt me [anymore]. and pathetically, i fought. because i thought everything had gotten better. but according to him it's been going "down hill". so i start crying and being angry and sad and confused and i heard him crying, too. and then i call sarah, because i felt alone and confused and i needed a hand-twin to help me out, which she did and i really appreciated it. but he calls back in the middle of our conversation and i switch the line over and tell her i'll call her back. and every feeling started to MULITPLY when he told me he broke up with me because of guilt. the guilt that came from cheating on me with a girl whose name he didn't even know. apparently it was in the beginning of the relationship. i don't want to go into the whole story because every time i think about it i start to feel sick. but anyway, at that point, i didn't even consider going to school the next day. it was this like horrible pain, and maybe that seems like dramatizing it but it's the only way i can think of to describe how i felt. so i called jenni and she RAN to my house [which i thought was really loyal and nice. comforting.] and we walked down to the beach and sat on the big cement blocks and she made me feel better. on some level, she knew what i was feeling, because dennis had just cheated on her, too. and then there was the last phone call, which he asked if we could still say "i love you" and share a locker and if he could come over on sunday. and i should have said no, but i said yes. blah.. i could ramble about this forever, but to make a long story short we're back together. i just couldn't stand to NOT be with him after everything i've given away.
so yeah, enough of THAT event = =; bethani came over thursday and we ddred a lot =D!!! we went to barnes & noble and saw ryan, the poet. We were almost late and ended up having to honk ben down in his mom's van >_> but we ended up making it there. except we FUCKING FORGOT SARAH. god, wtf. it wasn't intentional and we tried our best to fix it; calling her and trying to get her to come. but things just didn't work out, i got blamed for fucking plans up for the 800th time, but hey, i'm used to it: it's the story of my life =D. sooo, aside from the forgetting sarah part, i had a really nice time. ben was entertaining, adam likes anime about as much as i do XD! mr. mueller started working at bobick's, kyle said he'd make me a hard mat..blahblah ^-^ today ended up being a little different than i planned, first of all, and the most shocking [i think] is that i woke up before bethani. *gassspp* but uh, aside from that, it was a fun day :D even though everyone we called to come over wasn't home, sarah did and we all played ddr for a long time. i'm getting a little better. finally able to get good grades on most light mode songs XD!! bethani's mom came an hour early just when the pizza got there so she had to take it to go =P so after that, sarah and i watched "something's gotta give" and it was THE CUTEST MOVIE EVER. it was full of old people, crying after sex because it was THAT BEAUTIFUL, switching reading glasses, paris, play writing, the beach, pancakes, pajama parties, young love, old love, snow, turtlenecks...everything i want ; ; <3 sarah just went home a little while ago and i caught a little bit of cirque de soleil. i thought it was one of the most beautiful and artistic things i've ever seen :] it made me happy. tomorrow is easter and i'm going to mike's grandma's.
if anything EVER goes right for me, all i want it to be is tomorrow. because that decides a lot of things.
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[07 Apr 2004|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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simple and clean -- utada hikaru |
] |
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go
You're giving me too many things
Lately you're all I need
You smiled at me and said,
Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father?
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said "No,
I don't think life is quite that simple"
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go
The daily things
that keep us all busy
all confusing me thats when u came to me and said,
Wish i could prove i love you
but does that mean i have to walk on water?
When we are older you'll understand
It's enough when i say so,
And maybe some things are that simple
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before
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[05 Apr 2004|10:06am] |
wow, haven't updated in a long time =O a lot of stuff has happened, though =D! to the lists, captain! *clanking coconuts* [*cough* yeah um.. monty python and the holy grail <3]
good things
went to death can for cutie concert with dear bethani, bought a crapload of merchie$$ and got to stare at ben gibbard open-mouthed for over an hour :D
went to heather zenz's birthday party =3 got a piggy back ride, was the only one not dancing = =, ate cake, sprayed heather with 5 pounds of silly string.. ^-^
went to the "ultimate kid's day" at the mall with sarah-my-love, played some free DDR XD i bought: an animerica magazine, the 2nd snowdrop manga, the never ending story, and polka dot shoelaces.
mike came over on sunday and brought me BUBBLES >:D! [i'm slowly turning him into a pretty cute kid XD] and my mom drug us to geneva to visit my grandpa and we got taco bell for the 2nd day in a row = =; and then came home and stuuufff.
got a decent report card for once =D!! icelebracion! so my dad agreed to buy ddr. finally. *floaty hearts*
talked to robbie about having an easter egg hunt :}!!
spring break is nearly 3 days away *danceshakeshake*
bad things
mike came over after school friday when he wasn't allowed [no one was home T_T] and it was going really nicely until my dad had to come home and RUIN it ; ;
i did not see bethani this weekend ; ; i think she's sad, and for the first time i can't be there to try and cheer her up.
mike got fired x_x which may be counted as a good thing, too? hmm.
didn't go to school today, which means make-up work out the ass. fabulous.
hmm, i'm sure i forgot something..but oh well. i can't wait till the weekend because that means the three musketeers [sarah, bethani + meee dyuurr..] go to bobicks and have mucho fun <3!
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[27 Mar 2004|12:19pm] |
it' sort of hard to believe that all of the fun things that have happened lately are going to become so few and far between. maybe that will make me appreciate them more? last night i had a really nice time. bethani met one of mike's friends named well.. hah, mike =D but i've decided to call him by his last name, mr.mueller, because there are so many mikes and i've got to keep them straight somehow ^-^ and he invited us to play ddr at an arcade and even offered to give us rides there and back, which was super nice of him =D besides bethani and i he took his friend kyle, who i've seen around school a lot, and of course sarah. we met a lot of new people, and everyone was really friendly and didn't care [at least to our faces =D] that we weren't as good at ddr as they are. i didn't play too much, but i was pretty content with sitting there with my jaw on the floor watching everyone :D i wish i could do it again next weekend, but i'm going to heather's birthday party. the concert is this wednesday and bethani already bought the tickets, so it's good everything worked out. hopefully i will drive more and attempt to get my license [which i'm sure i'll fail miserably = =..] but we'll see. prom is coming up, too. ben and bethani are going, and i think it'll be fun to dress up and everything, since i haven't done that in like NEVER >_>; today i had a neighbor crisis; caught in the middle of one of their family feuds for the umpteenth time. and then i came home and cleaned. after i'm done getting ready i think my mom wants to go shopping, which is good because i desperatly need new clothes [i've realized that all i wear are t-shirts and jeans = =]. tomorrow i'm going over mike's grandparents' house again and i think the weather will be not so crappy and we can maybe go for a walk and talk about some stuff i've been meaning to bring up. even though i'm a chicken and it probably won't happen ¬¬' oh well.
i miss her already >:\
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[25 Mar 2004|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
] |
wow, i love how i manage to screw everything up = = but hey, i always have a good time. that's something i realized. as long as i go out with a bang, i don't care that i get in trouble =D! [well i mean, i care but.. you know XD] so today was actually pretty boring at school except for a cool spanish joke i keep reciting and gym class!! me, lauren, sarah, and jare-bear are like the outcasts of the gym class, and we had to go outside to "run" *coughwalkcough* and there were all these WORMS all over the track and jare-bear had said that he ate one once so i was like "EAT ONNEEE XD" and he was like "okay =D" and he DID ^_^ and it made me super happy for some reason. so then bethani and i went to visit shore and we talked with teachers for like three hours [mr.henry, mr.lefler, miss romano, etc..] which made me really nostalgic and happy :}}} and the drama club dress rehearsals just happened to be going on so we stole some of their food and borrowed some costumes :D i wore an afro and bethani wore nerdy glasses and a tie. one of the janitors kept getting angry at us for being there so late and we had to avoid him, which was fun =D my dad told me there's supposed to be this new thing called a "socratese cafe" [spelling?] where you DISCUSS issues and stuff and i'm going to look for one near cleveland or something. ben called looking for bethani again and we had a little conversation, which was basically me trying my best to cheer him up and that if it's meant to happen; it will. oh yeah, WE'RE GOING TO THE DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE CONCERT XD!! i can't wait. i'll let all of you countless readers know how it goes, fa sho ;D!
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| to know that you feel the same as i do, is a three-fold, utopian dream ~ |
[16 Mar 2004|03:56pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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i miss you -- incubus |
] |
today was a roller-coaster sort of day. it started off bad because mike DESERTED me in the morning *twitch* more than anything else, i hate being left alone and ignored. er well, almost as much as i hate being lied to. but either way, i stood there and talked to myself for like fifteen minutes because he said he'd "be right back". but i was really glad bethani showed up because there's no one else i'd rather talk to :D and sarah wasn't there, which made me sad, so bethani and i just decided to go to the clinic mods 9-10 [gym wouldn't be the same ; ;] and we ate lollipops on the uncomfortable sick-people couches. which REALLY made my day :} so i was in a much better mood and everything was going pretty good, actually, UNTIL I GOT TO SPANISH. where i was forced to sit in front of dan mierke who decided to put paper in my hair and annoy the fuck out of me. but that's okay, because senor allsip is on my side ^-^ sooo then i go to math where i realize i will never understand mathematics at all and that i should just give up. oh yeah, and not to mention: it's snowing like crazy. which probably means no school tomorrow XD i hope not. i'd really like to sleep the hell in. good god, i think i'm having major mood swings. we all know what to blame for that.. :P but anyway, things are better because i'm drinking cream soda and listening to music.
wish for snow <3.
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| so it's back to my bungalo and flesh tone kimonos ~ |
[14 Mar 2004|10:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hyper |
] |
| [ |
music |
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tangerine speedo -- caviar |
] |
i woke up waayyy too early today. so i've just been downloading music [like miles davis, nat king cole, caviar, cibo matto, incubus, ladytron, dressy bessy, the 6ths, the magnetic fields, etccc :D] swinging my sleep-hair, and lip-synching. yesterday was pretty fun, bethani and i went to barnes and noble and the mall. i got vanilla sugar chapstick, amber romance lotion, and the first fruits basket manga [!!]. i've got to remind myself to worship pan for letting me know about tangerine speedo, it's a really cute song :} i have so much homework x_x ew. mike's supposed to come over, but i'm not sure when...which means i have to get in the shower soon ; ; i've gone back to rping for some reason, i guess because i miss it from when it was like all i did in the summer, eheh >_>; i can't wait until summer. summer means lemonade, the beach, mexico, water guns, green grass, loud music, late nights, sleeping in, ahh.. <3 well, at least it'll be good for the first 18 days or so. =\
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[12 Mar 2004|04:40pm] |
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mood |
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guilty |
] |
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music |
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when i fall in love -- nat "king" cole |
] |
instructions:
1. copy this whole list into your journal.
2. bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you
1. the people i see the least of are some of my least favorite people.
2. i can't fall asleep just anywhere.
3. i am a ddr junkie.
4. my bed is the coziest in the house.
5. i was too afraid to climb to the top of the jungle gym when i was younger.
6. i hate shallow, coy, calculating girls.
7. i love living here.
8. i worry too much about what people think of me.
9. i like it when someone knows me and cares enough to show that they know me.
10. i used to have imaginary friends.
11. i have no short-term memory.
12. i'm addicted to jones soda.
13. i adore neutral milk hotel.
14. i like wearing cutely printed socks.
15. i have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
16. i've never broken someone's bones.
17. i can spend the majority of the day reading.
18. i chicken out on things at the last second.
19. i love anime and manga.
20. i'm way nerdy.
21. i should of been a teenager in the 70's.
22. i can't stand having chapped lips.
23. i love checkered patterns, stripes and polka-dots.
24. i have gray-blue eyes.
25. i always let other people get to me.
26. i'm sixteen.
27. i have a lot of favorite songs.
28. i love having someone else cut my hair.
29. i prefer ramen noodles to anything cambel's has to offer.
30. i've been fired from a job.
31. i've never been directly dumped.
32. i have a kick ass camera.
33. i have no clue why a raven is like a writing desk.
34. i feel i'm going to be married quickly.
35. i have been videotaped doing ninja rolls and faking being electrocuted.
36. i've been involuntary molested at a concert.[sorta]
37. i haven't watched mtv in six month's but watch the disney channel excessively.
38. i don't want to be eaten by cannibals.
39. when i was a kid i had braces and glasses.
40. i sound like a toad when i get hiccups.
41. i think mod is so rad.
42. i think gweneth paltrow and chris martin are super cute.
43. i have plastic bracelets scattered around my room.
44. the dirty dancing is one of my favorite movies of all time.
45. i'm not a member of the mile-high club.
46. i dont want to live in an apartment.
47. i wish i wore a top hat, could sing really well, and went by the name 'vinne vallo'. [not really]
48. i have taught myself to play the keyboard a little.
49. seeing the little red lines on the computer underlining misspelled words makes me a homicidal maniac.
50. i know that the blood brothers aren't a gang. ahahahhaa.
51. i like to say things in spanish a lot.
52. and i like the word snogging.
53. im most likely failing math.
54. i call it pop, not soda.
55. my favorite pop is vanilla coke.
56. escalators excite me.
57. i misplace everything.
58. i used to watch the cartoon about the gummi bears.
59. people have accused me of being too shy.
60. i collected trolls when i was kid.
61. i don't get too many nightmares.
62. i think the darkness are hilarious.
63. i wish i could speak patious.
64. i am overly paranoid.
65. debates excite me.
66. i love collages.
67. the cotton factory is my favorite fashion designer.
68. i'm average height, yet i still get called short.
69. i always keep things in my pockets.
70. i feel sick now.
71. i dont find paris hilton attractive.
72. i used to rip up magazines to cover my walls with the pictures.
73. i think electronic-like music is super cool.
74. i've had a lot of dreams where i cant figure things out.
75. i'm a libra.
76. i dig astrology but not horoscopes.
77. i'm not into shit women's glamour magazines.
78. i don't have a neopets account.
79. i have one sibling.
80. i can't really sing very well.
81. but i wish i could.
82. im relatively resentful.
83. i get sick a lot.
84. i love chocolate milk.
85. i think bethani should start a zine.
86. spiders really scare me.
87. i clap at everything.
88. i think i would be good at being rich.
89. i lose every pair of gloves i get.
90. my favorite color is green.
91. my milkshake only brings one boy to the yard.
92. i can't imagine being single again.
93. i still play with tarot cards.
94. i enjoy foot-bagging. [haha]
95. noise words make me laugh.
96. i don't get to see enough shows.
97. i hope my future carrer is in music or journalism.
98. im not allergic to anything.
99. i name insects i find in my house.
100. you should give me five bucks for doing this.
stolen from bethani, claro.
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[06 Mar 2004|01:54pm] |
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY, MY DARLING PANPO~!!! <333333333
i wish you the brightest stars tonight :}}}
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[01 Mar 2004|08:00pm] |
FUCK. i forgot about the PSEO meeting. GREAT. GREATGREATGREAT. ;lk;sjdflkhdgnugsdu. oh well. doctor's appointment SUCKED. they made me get a tetnis shot and wear a paper suit T___________T; at least i got a treasure planet sticker :] i wish it were the weekend. i want to ddr and have fun ; ; jeez, i sound like a six-year-old. my grades are starting to suck a little. and i don't care. i just want to get my license and start acting my age [ie: making stupid choices without feeling guilty about it], damn it. sarah found a special make-out buddy someone =D YAY! okay, so, two down, two to go.
friends who deserve to be in a cute relationship
jenni
shannon
sarah
bethani
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| you're the words that come out easy, and i am speechless at best ~ |
[29 Feb 2004|06:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the closest thing -- the juliana theory |
] |
this weekend was so good :D friday, bethani and i went to go see dirty dancing: havana nights, which will never compare to the real one [but was amusing, anyway], and then we went to steak n' shake and goofed off over lime and vanilla milkshakes. on saturday, bethani, her mom, and i went to coventry where i got a shirt that says "back off man, i'm a ghostbuster" XD and a big tokyo robot purse because i am geek :B ahahah and then we were supposed to go to sam's surprise party but we got incredibly lost which was a blast, i must say. so we finally got there around 7:45 or so [only..3 hours late?] and crashed the house full of sam's family and friends XD!! so we played ddr, ate cake, laughed a lot.. =D so then i got home around 11, did my english paper, and went to bed smelling of smoke and good times :D
i also get to get out of school a bit early tomorrow for my *cringe* doctor's appointment. but it'll be worth it. :}}} so now i have to do my history homework, math homework, and then listen to some nice sunday-night music ^-^.
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[23 Feb 2004|03:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
to do list
+ go to doctor's appointment next monday *weeeepfeeaarrr* ; ;
+ present english project
+ make mike a mixed cd
+ buy ddr and dance pad, a straightner, and possibly underwear <3
+ go to the mall with robbie cancelled
+ ddr party on saturday? cancelled too! :P
+ barnes & noble with bethani?
+ heart-to-heart with jenni/"project falcon"
+ find a way for his grandma not to hate me :D
+ finish reading primavera by francesca lia block [even though i dislike her? strange..]
+ make writing/poeemmmm website
+ make pan's pack in time for her birthday
+ finish mangas
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| you should have looked outside your window 'cause the sun was coming up ~ |
[22 Feb 2004|11:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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tuesday morning -- michelle branch |
] |
changed the journal layout <3 this weekend was really awesome. friday i made a cake for the ddr party and i did okay on light mode for once, yay ^-^! and then last night, sarah, bethani, mike and i went to teen dance night [hahahah we're such losers XD] last night and it was more fun than i thought it would be [aside from the pimpin' gangsta twelve-year-olds]! i planned on having a talk with mike about stuff that happened earlier, but i thought it would be better if he just got his mind off it. i wish i could dannnccee ; ;... but oh well. i attempted "grinding" with him, haha wtf.. it was interesting i guess, eheh -_-; i hope sarah and bethani had fun, and i think they did. for some reason i always feel like i have an obligation to make sure people have fun if i invite them somewhere, because if i don't and they're all "it was all right..or it sucked.." or something, i feel really guilty. but anyway, today me and my mom might go to the mall and stuff because i want to get a flat-iron straightner thingy :}}} i woke up at 9:00 [gaaassppp] and watched the food network for awhile. and now i know how to prepare fresh fish in under an hour, whee~! i still have to do homework which includes math, finishing english project, and taking a couple more pictures for photography, bleh.
i need a job money.
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| you light me up and then i fall for you ~ |
[13 Feb 2004|03:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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pretty baby -- vanessa carlton |
] |
stolen with love from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) receptors <3
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
1. put your birth month in an entry.
2. strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. bold the best that apply to you.
4. put all twelve months under a ( cut )
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| i love the shape you take when crawling toward the pillowcase~ |
[12 Feb 2004|03:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
your body is a wonderland -- john mayer |
] |
the weeks are going by faster than usual, which is a good thing and bad thing. i can't wait 'till summer ; ;.. *siiigh* ~ okay, so, the previous events list.
-spent the night at robbie's last saturday, it was fun 'cause we ate starbucks icecream and watched sex & the city. even though i fell asleep real early -_-;
- bethani skipped math on monday. which was freaking awesome, even though she felt bad about it afterwards..I THINK YOU'RE A WONDERFUL REBEL, SO DON'T WORRY, DARLING~!
- went home on tuesday because girl problems decided to paralyze the fuck out of me. yeah, that was fun. riiiiight.
- got a C+ on a math quiz, which means maybe i'm doing better? good god i hope so.
yeah nothing else really. what a boring weeeek =P buuuut, the WeeKEND:
- assembly tomorrow = shortened classes FUCKYEAMAN XD
- ddr party tomorrow <333
- spending the night at bethani's~!
- saturday, dragging bethani and my mom to mike's work to surprise him with some kind of valentine's day gift..which i still have to get x_x
- go to the mall with tiffany sunday and take pictures of her and the carousel and stuuuff :}
- mike comes over on monday and my dad won't be home to bug the crap out of us and make us play with his cars =D
i also need to squeeze in there time for homework, possibly spending time with robbie, and BUYING CLOTHES. i want to go somewhere new. i feel like i've been going to the same places to "hang out" for like a billion years O_<
any reccommendations?
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| i heard your voice through a phonograph~ |
[08 Feb 2004|09:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
energetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
otherside -- red hot chili peppers |
] |
friday was fun XD! we had a lovely dance dance revolution party and i got a little better [yeah, i suck XD *danceshakeshake*] and we picked up bethani and made robbie listen to le tigre ^-^ sarah was sick, but damn her, she's awesome at that game ; ;! aannyyywaayy, i woke up at like 8:45 today and i had a reaallly creepy dream. i dreamt that i was young and i was staying at an old victorian house in the summer with an aunt or something and she kept telling me everything i saw/felt etc was imaginary o_o. hmm. i've gotta start taking pics for photo this week. i have to find out how to put film in it still.. -_-;; oh well. it's really sunny out today. mike's coming over later, so i better go un-ugly-a-fy myself sometime soon =D
death cab for cutie concert MARCH 31 kthxbye :}
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| i need you so much closer ~ |
[05 Feb 2004|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
transatlanticism -- death cab for cutie |
] |
i'm starting to feel like i need everyone else more than they need me.
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| baby, you make my heart beat faster ~ |
[29 Jan 2004|08:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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guilty |
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beat your heart out -- the distillers |
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kajsld;ahdl;jsalj. i told robbie this thing about me and mike, thinking he wouldn't tell shannon who'd tell sarah etc, etc, annnnd of course this pissed him off [maybe he's just looking for reasons to dislike robbie?] and had i known everyone would get all pissed off i never would have said anything. this leads to weird conversation on the phone with mike, where he says there things he can't tell me. things he can't tell me? i can tell him anything. why shouldn't that work both ways? maybe that's selfish of me, though. maybe there are things in your life you don't share with anyone. god, that would be hard. do i even want to know? it makes me sort of scared for him. oh well, there's nothing i can do about it until he decides if he should tell me or not. so i'm just going to let it go.
i have this thought about him going to the marines every day. i've always said if it makes him happy it makes me happy blahblah, but i picture myself not being able to let him when i'm supposed to say good-bye. it just plays in my head where we're in front of a bus or plane or something and like.. if you've ever cried in public, it's like twice the pain because you're embarressed and then because of the reason you can't stop crying in the first place. and i know i won't be able to keep the words "I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE, I NEED YOU HERE" from spilling out of my mouth.
and i've figured out that if you convince yourself it won't happen, that even though when it actually does and your heart won't stop hurting, it's sort of worth it because those monthes of ignorance were bliss.
okay, so, on to something else. my camera actually works for photography, yay~! this means that i'll be able to start taking pictures soon. i REALLY like vintage prints so i'm going to try that out to see how i like it. i just have to find some people to be my models for meee :} hopefully bethani and i will go manga shopping and grab some mexican food and that will make me feel.. better? i don't feel bad, really. just..weird. restless. but anyway, i also have my 3rd and almost last in-car! i can't wait until they're over. things will definately change once i get my license. it's probably something i need right now.
i don't know what i need right now.
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